i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
