He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
