I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
