Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
