3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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