There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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