so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
