Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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