What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
