my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
