I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
