I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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