billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
