well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
