Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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