what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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