my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
