and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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