Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im part way to drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
