and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
