Sry I called you an 8
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
