Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
