D3 body, D1 cock
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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