just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
