as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
