I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
