I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
