I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
