He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
