I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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