i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize