Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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