I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
