margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They have beer where we have blood.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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