I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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