i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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