so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
