idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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