Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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