wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
