My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
