Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
