so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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