So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
