3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize