I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
