omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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