I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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