there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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