I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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