i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Alive.
So much puke
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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