dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
