Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize