here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
