just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
