shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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