You're so nebulous sometimes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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