We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize