I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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