You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
