Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This baby is an asshole
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
