Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
