I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
