He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
