I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
