its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
