ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
