Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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