One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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