Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize