I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
