dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
