I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
